How slowly time seems to flies , i updated this blog on the 26th of dec 2010 . now it's already .. 3rd Jan 2011 . It seems like ages ago since i updated but in fact . only hmm. a week has past. LOL! But in a twink of an eye ~ Another year is gone. JUST LIKE THAT! End of conclusion for this year = Fun and laughter. nah. That's not the main point . I have wasted one year of my life away! Never mind , shall stop having fun and get down to serious studies .
Summarise Everything .
2010 , was quite a fun year, yet , i wasted it playing a fool . i don't regret it . because , it's my choice to play and the consequence , are what i have to / got to bear . i don't mind . Just hope , my mum wont be so sad . that her daughter is a useless fool . Maybe , her second daughter can make up for those ugly remarks and shame brought to her by her useless daughter ?I don't know , i don't care . Wadever~ It's my life eh , not happy , straight shoot me can already . Please . do . not . criticised . my . mother . I don't care it's aunt, uncle , family or friends .However much i have rant and complain about my mother . It doesn't give you the god damn right to criticised my mother . because , my god damn mother don't owe you anything . However much i respect you or care for you . This whole damn year, so many things happens. I learnt that .
"Sorry" doesn't helps . The harm has been done , no point apologising . No matter what . If i stab you in the heart and i says SORRY! and you died. Does it helps ? you still died right ? "Sorry" - an expression of regret or condolence . It does no help .
"Trust" is important . I believe , everyone has trusted the wrong person at least once before, no matter big or small thing.
Back to main topic. this few days are marvelous! with the remaining friends whom i got have . I want to thanks those people whom stayed by me , comfort me , whenever i am at the down point of this year (which is quite a lot! ) No matter in the end you were still here or not , i still want to say , Thank You . and and! Sorry to those people whom heart i broken . those whom i played . those whom i did any wrong . Sorry . I know , like i typed above, it does not helps . But still , i want say Sorry . Whether you accept or not , that's your problem . Kay Kay!
And oh . Sorry to those teachers whom put in your best but failed to help me promote . I'm sorry i didn't try my very best .
Being able to work in mos burger is one of the best thing that happened. i made so many new friends! It kept me busy all day , prevented me from thinking craps .
This year is now officially over long ago ( Three day ) May the new year 2011 be a better year with brighter days! (:

Sandy : Sorry i kept lying , no matter how hard i tries , no matter how many time i told you , i wont care for a jerk who don't give a fxck care about me . actually .. i do care. no matter how badly he criticise me .

Two people . i wanna write a paragraph to .
My ex. and my ex ex .
This time . i am not hiding these messages .

WeiJian : I'm truly sorry , for those time we spent together, i admit, i did have feeling for you at time , at the same time , i knew , it was never love, never will be . I used you . To escape from the loneliness . to prove to him , that he don't want me , doesn't means that no one else would want . I'm sorry . If you want , you can hate me , yet still , i hope , we can still be friends. I bet we can never be friends like last time . but yeah , at least . friends . better then . enemy . Perhaps , you no longer view this blog , but yeah , if you have the chance to stumbled across this . at least, let me know the answer .

Junhao : 8th August 2010 . 5.06 PM . I became yours and you became mine . I have got to admit , i have no feeling for a stranger whom suddenly asked me to be his within that few hours i known him . I admit , i wanted to start this relationship , for the sake of having a partner . I might be evil . ( it sounds that I'm evil ) but . ask your heart . did you really. have feelings for me when you asked me ? or is it just like me . start a relationship for the sake of having a partner . 9th August 2010 . you learnt that my sur name's the same as yours . you asked me if i want to break with you. you told me that because one of your ex has the same sur name that's why break . i remember telling you to fuck off and went swimming i remembered you calling my phone . spamming me. "sorry " now it's my turn . I'm sorry , i let go of you on 12th August 2010 . Funny doesn't it seems to be ? every time you want meet, i would reject, every time i want meet , you would reject . Every time we quarrel . i wont answer your call, but , eventually, i would end up spamming you with call . and you would do the same . ( don't answer ) . That night as i lay lying on my bed with tears, i remembered. you told me , you want me to be yours . again . you told me many many stuff . i remembered that part of that long message. ( i wondered , did you send this message to other girls too ? ) i guess, on that day , your feelings started to fade ? ( if you even liked / loved me at the start ) . 4 days later . 6.45 AM . you didn't text me the usual morning message. you asked me for breakup . I remember crying on the bus all the way to school . i remember . i told you goodbye . i remember . faking a smile in front of everybody telling them it's okay . it's no big deal . when it really was . It's eating up my heart though i didn't know it . I told myself never to ever give you the chance to hurt me , i told myself i must stop contacting you before i end up hurt. August 28 2010 . i cant resist the temptation . i text-ed you . to asked you where were you . you did not replied me . though i was waiting the whole night . August 29 2010 . you replied. you not only replied. you asked me . to be yours again . you told me , just look at the way you typed . just look at the way you asked me . i agreed . you told me , this time we would last long . and we did . we lasted 1 week 1 days , before your feeling started to change i guess ? i guess you didn't even remember our 1st week . the 1st time , we been together through 1 week! and .. you forgotten, didn't you ?6th September 2010 . you let go of me. do you know what you told me ? you told me that , because you are afraid of love, you told me that, because , you love me that's why you cant be together with me . I knew . you were lying . yet , i choose to believe. Perhaps , because of guilt that's why you chosen to be close friends ? perhaps because you were afraid that i would take panadols again ? I promised you , i never will again . and i wont .( unless i really need ) Now , I believed . you change, and i changed . Till now . i remembered . 8th august 2010 . you told me . you never met someone as caring as me . is that just sweet talk ? i don't know . You told me , you don't mind . but . you lied. you mind. like one hell load of mind . 30th august 2010 . we met each other for the first time . i knew . i wasn't up to your expectation . i am not qualified to be your girl . i never was. from the moment i told you that . I remember , the punishments i got to do at school , so as to meet you. because , i was late for school that morning , i remembered, crying outside the dm room because my dm refuse to let me do running ( he insisted that i do detention ) , because i am afraid that i couldn't meet you . i remembered , sandy , andy , hannah and her being there with me . i remembered . I remembered meetings almost once every week after that . i remembered walking from tanah merah mrt station to your house every time we meet, just to watch you play dota , see you smile . That's more then enough for me . i remembered . 30th august 2010 , you told me i look like china women because my foundation was too white . I remembered . you took me up to your friend house, i remembered , you asked me if i wanted to take lift or stairs, i remembered asking you to choose, i remembered you carrying my school bag up to the 13th floor for me , i remembered , your friend mother praised you . i remembered, slacking with you , your brother and your friend at some void deck and play ground playing fire , i remembered, lying to my mother that i will be home soon . i remembered , excuses, lies , just for a few more minutes of seeing you . i remembered , you bring me to mrt station , you held my hand for a few moments before you completely left me to walk beside you . you told me it's not safe for us to hold hand . you could get seen by your relatives or people you know . i remembered. 18th September, you wanted to meet me , hence i woke up real early so as to go and meet you . It was a Saturday , your parents are due home around noon . so we can only meet in the morning . i remembered walking , although the strap of my shoe are cutting right through the skin of my feet, i remembered they cut into my flesh , yet i carried on walking . i remembered , you laughed at me , i don't feel angry , i feel happy instead . i must be crazy i guess. If you can laugh / smile / be happy , even if i bleed , i feel damn happy too . You told me we might have the chance of being back again together, yet when i next learnt about you , you were attached . i remembered you deleted me from facebook and msn and didn't accept my request to add back , and you told me you very long didn't logged in to facebook that's why . i remembered, all the things we done ,i remember the show you showed me , the song you let me listened , the way you cooked . i remembered them! but . i just don't know . how to ever tell you what we have done . I'm sorry about that . I remembered . 28th September . you asked me over to your house to help you with your studies . i remember giving up my last extra lesson before exams to go over to you to help you . with your studies . i remember that last kiss . till now . you're the last one whom i kissed . I remembered you doubt if i am faithful to you . i remember telling you i am . i knew you didn't believe . but i choose to believes your lies rather then expose you . i rather have peace with you . you told me you felt tied down . there's nothing i can do but let go of you in silence however much it hurt, however much i didn't wanted to . I have nothing that can keep you by my side . There's .. nothing at all . If time could rewind . i would still let you go when you want . but , this time , i will tell you . how much i love you . If time could rewind to the 28 September . i will grab that hand you offered me . I regret not doing so . I know , i don't fit to be your girl , the girl whom you would bring out and show off to your friends telling them "This is my girl" because. I don't fit from the start and i never will . But , even if it's a 0.01% of chance . I am willing to wait for that miracle to happen . I know , you told me to move on and find other guys . I tried. but in the end . i could not forget about you . I just cant .
I really love you . Trevor Koh Jun Hao .
I will not expect you to be able to see this . because , you don't give a damn about me.